The Apple Watch is perfect. On paper.

This week, I’m doing something that I don’t remember ever actually doing before. I’m taking back an Apple device, for a refund.

After spending less than a week with the Apple Watch, I have to say, I’m disappointed. A bit in the device. But more in Apple. The software is simply not done. Perhaps it’s my use of a 5s as the host device for it. Perhaps my expectations are too high. Perhaps I’m right, that it’s not ready for prime time. Regardless, it’s definitely not worth the price of entry in the device’s current condition. As Nilay Patel said, “If you’ll like toys, you’ll like it.

As I checked out at a grocery this week, and performed my first Apple Pay transaction, the  following interchange happened between the cashier and myself:

Her: “Ooh. Is that it (the Watch)?”

Me: “Yes.”

Her: “How do you like it?”

Me: “It’s okay. I’ve only had it for about a day.”

Her: “What can it do?”

Me: <silence/>

I hesitated, struggling to really list out the things that the Watch could do that were relevant to me. It was in that moment that I think I switched from “I think I’ll return it.” to “I’m going to return it.” I understand that apparently most normals are quite happy with their Watches, and that only technophiles (if you can still call me that) like myself found all the foibles in the way the device works.

The Watch isn’t without positive attributes. I just don’t feel that they outweigh the negatives.

What’s good:

  • As a bauble, it is gorgeous. I bought the stainless Watch, with the new, more traditional Saddle Brown Classic Buckle. As a piece of jewelry, I think it looks really good. (Although my 14YO would tell you that my free opinions on style are worth what you pay me for them.)
  • As a watch, it’s pretty good. I mean, it keeps time, and the interchangeable faces are fun for a bit.
  • Given the space, the user interface works pretty well.
  • When it all works, there are some neat conveniences that you can’t do (or can’t do as easily) with an iPhone. Apple Pay and other Wallet (nee Passbook) features on your wrist are handy. But not “OMG!” useful.
  • There’s a pretty amazing supply of Apple Watch apps that already exist. (See caveat to this, below.)

I was really hoping I could come up with some more positive aspects here. But honestly, I’ve run out already.

So… what’s bad about Apple Watch? In no explicit order:

  • It is very expensive, for what it does. My mind boggles that Apple has sold any of the Watch Edition models.
  • Updating sucked. It took over an hour and a half to install the 500MB update from my iPhone. That is inexcusable.
  • It’s heavy. I’ve got tiny T-rex arms, but the weight of the Watch on my ulnar styloid (the bump of bone on the outside of your wrists) was painful after only a few minutes.
  • It’s slow. In tandem with my 5s, there are far too many beach balls waiting for apps to launch. This may get better over time as apps are updated for the new version of the OS. But I fear that it may be indicative of the real resource constraints on such a small device. Time will tell.
  • I had hope that Watch would make my Phone better. That is, it would add utility to my phone. Instead, because of the app model, it made my phone’s battery life horrible.
  • The version of the SpringBoard shell used by the Apple watch is atrocious. I have small fingers, so don’t have much trouble selecting apps. But the UI of the Watch comes the closest to being the “sea of icons” on iOS that Microsoft derided for so long. Doing anything rapidly on the watch with this UI is… complicated.
  • Too many app developers don’t seem to understand what the Watch is, and is not, ideal for. I guess that’s both a good and bad thing. But to the caveat I mentioned earlier, there are a lot of apps for the Watch – many of which aren’t even on Windows Phone. But there’s a lot of crap – it seems many developers are lost in the wilderness.
  • It shows every single fingerprint you place on the face.
  • The packaging for the Apple Watch is… overwhelming. There’s plastic on plastic on plastic. Wrapping device subcomponents in one-time use plastic is horrifically wasteful.

The former product manager (and former development manager) in me sees how we arrived at this point. The Apple Watch team was established long ago, and started on their project. At one point, pressure from above, from outside, from investors, who knows… forced Apple to push up a launch date. The hardware was reasonably ready. But the software was a hot mess.

Traditionally, Apple excelled when they discarded features that weren’t ready, even if competitors already did them in a half-assed way – winning over consumers by delivering those features later when they’re actually ready. Unfortunately, you often get a product manager in the mix that pushes for a feature, even if it can’t really be implemented well or reliably. The Apple Watch feels like this. It offers a mix of checkbox features that, yes, you can argue, kind of work. But they don’t have the finish that they should. The software doesn’t respect the hardware. In fact, it’s giving a middle finger to the hardware. Even WatchOS 2 fails to deliver adequate finish. The list of features that the Watch promises sound nifty. But actually living with the Watch is disappointing. It isn’t what it should be, given the Apple brand on the outside. I expect better from Apple. Maybe next time.

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